VOICES OF CONGREGANTS

Mel Kusin

Have many seder leaders have faced this problem? After years of always having children at the seder table, in 2010, 9 out of 11 at my family seder were mid-50s and older--the two "young ones" were 18 and 28, respectively.

This group over the years had come to know the seder story backwards and forwards; they had become rote spectators--a perfect recipe for a boring seder. I was at a loss what to do and I consulted with Rabbi Debbie. She inspired me to come up with an out-of-the box analysis to create something that would help re-capture the interest and enthusiasm of my jaded adults.

I began by looking at the Haggadah's essential seder message, that each of us should think of ourselves as a part of the group that left Egypt . But then-- Whoa!? Despite its importance, Haggadahs actually give that topic short shrift. After only a brief statement, the service continues with the "order" of the seder. Details of the story of the leaving of Egypt are relatively non-existent in the Haggadah. Delving into that topic seemed a possible solution to my problem -- but what?

As I wandered again through the story of the exodus, an interesting thought popped up--did everyone want to leave Egypt with Moses or did some of the people want to stay? And if so, why? Could it be that staying behind offered a security of the known, as opposed to following Moses into the great unknown? The question became really uncomfortable if one were the matriarch/patriarch of a family. Should the family for which you are responsible be exposed to a probably dangerous unknown future?

So following the First Cup and then the 4 Questions at the beginning of Magid I asked the group to close their Haggadahs. I said, "Each of you is the patriarch or matriarch of your family in Egypt. Moses has told you to pick up and leave with only what you can carry on your back. You don't even have time to put leavening in the bread you are ready to bake. What a shock! The first thought you have at this moment is the safety of your family if they follow Moses into a scary uncertain future. Should we instead remain behind in Egypt where conditions are undeniably terrible but you know what tomorrow will bring?

"To help you make up your mind, each of you think back over one or two painful personal events in your career or your life where you had to choose between known security and the uncertainty of a new opportunity. Tell us what you decided and how would it differ from your thinking if you were a parent in Egypt."

There were five responders from our group of eleven, including mine, each of us giving two examples. Every face around the table showed intense concentration. When I closed that part of the service, one of the active participants observed, "My God! That was hard! "

The next day, two family members who had not given examples emailed me wanting to discuss the question. (In my many years running the family seder, I've never had anyone want to talk "seder" the next day.)

On Jewish Life
Mel Kusin