CONVERSION | PERSONAL STATEMENTS

CONVERSION | PERSONAL STATEMENTS | RUTH KLEIN

Ruth Klein

I became interested in God approximately 25 years ago. I was miserable, to the point that I was having a hard time functioning. Uncharacteristically for me at the time, I asked for help. It was suggested that I try God. I was then sorry that I had asked. I needed help. I did not need some abstract philosophical idea. Despite having been educated and confirmed in a loving Methodist church, I did not understand what God was. It was suggested that I not try to figure it out. Just like one does not need to understand the theory of electricity in order to turn on a light, it was suggested that I ask God through prayer for help, just try it and see what would happen.

It has been fun to remember my first experiment with prayer. This really did happen. I woke up in the morning and said out loud, “God, help me to get to work today,” then later I asked to make it until lunch, and so on throughout the day. My big test was at night. Insomnia is a miserable problem, and I don’t think I had slept for months. It is like there is no way to lie down in green pastures because you cannot fall asleep. I got down on my knees, just like a child in a story book, and I begged God to help me to sleep. The next morning, I woke up after a full night of sleep. I was amazed. It was that simple. I believed in God.

Day by day, I woke up, went to work, ate 3 meals a day, and slept at night. It was a miracle. I was acting like an average adult, and I started to feel better. I came to believe that there had been an empty place inside of me. I took comfort in the hope that God could comfort and heal me. And, I was excited about God, and I wanted to be around other people who were into spirituality. I tried going back to church. This began a twenty year experiment in organized religions and spiritual paths.

We only have the chapel reserved for 30 minutes, so I am choosing to not share the details of my attempts to feel connected in a variety of different churches, temples, and mosques. I learned that there are many beautiful paths to God. I just could not seem to find one which rang true for me. After years of showing up at a variety of spiritual settings, I gave up. I still believed in God and knew spirituality was important to me. I figured that I was just not meant to worship in an organized setting. And, that was OK because life was good. I was no longer an average functioning adult. I venture to say that I was a highly functioning average adult. I loved my work, my family, and my friends. I even fell in love and married the man who was just the right guy for me. Four years ago we had the wedding of my dreams.

Then, soon after the wedding, my mother died; then, my father died. Just as I was getting over feeling shell shocked, and was processing my grief, my husband Eric was diagnosed with a tumor. When it was first diagnosed, the doctor alluded that the prognosis was grim. Luckily, the doctor’s initial prognosis was wrong, but I did not know that at the time. I had never felt so devastated. I remember driving in my car screaming at the top of my lungs, sobbing in the grocery store. I knew I needed to depend on God, but I was so pissed at Him. “Eric is going to die???” It was way too much. How could God do that to me? As I sobbed and screamed, I remember an incredible outpouring of support from friends, family, and also from people from my parent’s church. I experienced love from people in a way I had never felt. That got me thinking about community. I started wishing I belonged to a church community like the one my parent’s had. I longed to be among people who cared for each other in the way they were caring for me at that time. I believe that God worked for me through people at that time, and I realized that community was important to me.

Eric was raised in a Jewish family. I remember feeling an instant sense of connection with them when we first met. As I came to know them better, I could not help thinking that many of his qualities that I admire and feel drawn to may be the fruit of his Jewish upbringing. I wonder now why I did not consider Judaism sooner. I was raised in a Jewish neighborhood. My only guess is that I assumed that you either were or were not Jewish. It never occurred to me that one could become Jewish through conversion...until...

Last year I had a chance meeting at work with a woman I had known back when I was first getting into spirituality. I had lost contact with her, but at the time, she seemed deeply spiritual to me. She was beautiful and articulate. She was giving a class on a training video. When I inquired about her, I learned that she had recently converted to Judaism. I decided I should investigate. I signed up for the Stepping Stones class. I have to admit that I was not looking forward to going to the class when the time came for it to start. Having been an insomniac, my bedtime is important to me. I like to eat dinner at 6, and then be in my bed with book by 9pm on work days. The class met on Tues evenings, and the timing worried me, especially since I was having a stressful time with a new job.

Well, the first night of Stepping Stones, my bed time was a moot point because I could not sleep. If I had a check list for what I wanted from a religion, my teacher Renee Karp matched every point that was important to me through Judaism: community, ritual, hospitality, action based faith, a “moral compass” for our lives... The real clincher for me, though, was the tour of the sanctuaries at the end of the class. They seemed so simple and majestic, nothing but the community, the Torah and the light. Standing here in the sanctuary, I felt this incredible sense that this is where I belong. I came home after the class and announced to Eric that I was going to convert to Judaism. His response was “Ruth you just went to one class...one step at a time.” My response was “no, Eric, you don’t understand...I know that I am supposed to be Jewish! I know that I am.”

And, so here I am 14 months later...converting to Judaism. I choose to find meaning in what appear to be the accidents of my life. Though I was named for my amazing and very Christian Aunt Ruth, I find significance that my birth name is the name for the biblical Ruth. She converted to Judaism. It feels more than a coincidence that my birth mother’s name was Sarah. People who convert to Judaism are arbitrarily assigned Abraham and Sarah as Jewish parents when they take a Hebrew name. It is a symbolic way of connecting with the Jewish people. My mother’s name was Sarah since I was born. The fact that I already have a Hebrew name feels significant for me personally because at this point in my life, becoming Jewish is not about becoming a new person, or even about having a spiritual awakening...it is about being true to who I already am. I am Ruth...daughter of Sarah, and of SB Bradley, and now, of Abraham.

The transformation for me is that...I am Ruth, who now realizes how much she needs other people. I want to belong. I now want to be a member of the tribe instead of off on my own trying to find peace and fulfillment. I want to be an active participant in a community in which the goals are social justice, peace, and making the world a better place. Eric, I want our home to be a Jewish home, a sacred place in which good food is served, candles are lit, and friends are always welcomed. I want our days, weeks, and months to the marked and celebrated with the beautiful rituals I am learning from this faith. I want to memorize more of the “brachas,” the blessings, and surround myself with the symbols that remind me that my intention is to love God with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my strength. This process has already started connecting me to the community that I crave.

It means so much that my husband has encouraged and helped me, that my sister Nancy has assured me that she will love and accept me no matter which path I pursue, and that my sister in laws Marcy and Sheryl have come from Ohio to be here for my conversion. I have had generous and inspiring teachers. Renee Karp, Ruthie Kleinman, Connie Rudick, Amy Seals, Rabbi Hayon, and Rabbi Robbins. Temple Emanuel feels like Abraham and Sarah’s tent in which I, as the stranger, have been welcomed and embraced. My “chavers,” Ito and Marian Perl, have taken me under their wings, shared their stories, and invited Eric and I into their home. I have met friends to chat with after services: Jessica, Lynn, Fran....It has been so much fun to re- connect with Sylvia Silven, mother of David, my friend from High School days. I feel a deep bond with my conversion classmates, especially Diane and Terry.

What an incredible treat to get to meet with Rabbi Hayon. He took the time to read my volumes of essays, and to go through every detail of my 66 questions. I learned so much from him, and I appreciated his warmth, and the time he took to listen, encourage, and challenge me.

Thank you all so much for being here today. I love it that I get to have a ceremony, and to have friends here to share it with me. This is community! I love it that Jews consider it a Mitzvah to celebrate life cycle events such as this one. Ito and Marian have invited us to their home to celebrate this evening. I am so grateful to them, and to you all.

Thank you and Shalom.